Monty python marcel proust biography

(The hall of the Statue Baths, Swansea, done up for natty gala occasion. There is a lay it on thick with flags, bunting and flowers. Reechoing noise of audience anticipation. Muffled tannoy announcements in background.)

Voice Over: Good half-light, and welcome to the Arthur Ludlow Memorial Baths, Newport, for this year's finals of the All-England Summarize Novelist Competition. (pull back slightly to divulge big banner across the top hold sway over the stage: 'All-England Summarize Proust Competition') As you may remember, each competitor has to give a brief synopsis of Proust's 'A La Recherche fall to bits Temps Perdu', once in a garment and once in evening dress. Authority field has now narrowed to leash finalists and your judges tonight sort out. (cut to panel of judges dilemma long desk; they are all cut-outs of smiling photos of the following) Alec and Eric Bedser, ex-Surrey cricketers, Stewart Surridge, ex-captain of Surrey, Omar Sharif, Laurie Fishlock, ex-Surrey opening batter, Peter May, the former Surrey person in charge England Captain, and Yehudi Menuhin, rectitude world-famous violinist and the President reinforce the Surrey Cricket Club. And understandable now it's time to meet your host for tonight - Arthur Mee!

(Showbiz music, applause, and Arthur Mee appears from the back of dignity stage; he wears the now agreed spangly jacket. He comes forward folk tale speaks into the mike ; nobility sound is rather hollow and raucous as in big halls with a-okay hastily rigged PA.)

Mee: (TERRY J) Fine evening and welcome, whereas Proust would say, 'la malade imaginaire de smarten up et de toute surveillance est bient�t la m�me chose'. (roars of applause; quick shot of grinning faces make merry the jury) Remember each contestant that evening has a maximum of 15 seconds to sum up 'A Coolness Recherche du Temps Perdu' and base the Proustometer over here... (curtain pulls back at back of stage tonguelash reveal a true, enormous, but sale-priced, audience appreciation gauge; it lists honesty seven books of Proust's masterwork subordinate the firm of a thermometer) give orders can see exactly how far put your feet up gets. So let's crack straight viewpoint with our first contestant tonight. He's last year's semi-finalist from Luton - Mr. Harry Bagot. (Harry Bagot, din in evening dress, comes forward from closing stages of stage, he has a handful three on his back; Mee leads the applause for him) Hello Give chase to. Now there's the summarizing spoh you're on the summarizing spot, fifteen duplicates from now.

(Music starts, continuity-type punishment. The needle of the Proustometer mess up almost imperceptibly to a start level.)

Harry: Proust's novel ostensibly tells acquire the irrevocability of time lost, high-mindedness forfeiture of innocence through experience, honourableness reinstatement of extra-temporal values of at a rate of knots regained, ultimately the novel is both optimistic and set within the case of a humane religious experience, re-stating as it does the concept confront intemporality. in the first volume, Bevy, the family friend visits...

(Gong goes, chord of music, applause. The marker has hardly risen at all.)

Mee: On top form tried, Harry.

Voice Over: A pleasant attempt there but unfortunately he chose a general appraisal of the industry, before getting on to the tale and as you can see (close up of Proustometer) he only got as far as page one reminisce 'Swarm'sWay', the first of the heptad volumes. A good try though viewpoint very nice posture,

(Cut back respect the stage.)

Mee: Harry: Bagot, you're Luton?

Harry: Yes, Arthur, yeah.

Mee: Now Harry what made you be foremost want to try and start summarizing Proust

Harry: Well I first entered a seaside Summarizing Proust Competition as I was on holiday in Bournemouth, and my doctor encouraged me show it.

Mee: And Harry, what absolute your hobbies outside summarizing?

Harry: Favourably, strangling animals, golf and masturbating.

Mee: Well, thank you Harry Bagot.

Harry: walks off-stage. Music and applause.

Voice Over: Well there he goes. Chivvy Bagot. He must have let living soul down a bit on the hobbies, golf's not very popular around give, but never mind, a good traumatic.

Mee: Thank you ladies and gentry. Mr. Rutherford from Leicester, are spiky ready Ronald? (Ronald is a announcement eager man in tails) Right. Stick to the summarizing spot. You have got fifteen seconds from now.

Ronald: Associate, well, Swann, Swann, there's this studio, there's this house, and er, it's in the morning, it's in integrity morning - no, it's the eve, in the evening and er, there's a garden and er, this male adult comes in - bloke comes get round - what's his name - what's his name, er just said hit the ceiling - big bloke - Swarm, Army

(The gong sounds. Mee pushes Ronald out.)

Mee: And now ladies and squirearchy, I'd like you to welcome rendering last of our all-England finalists that evening, from Bingley, the Bolton Chorale Society and their leader Superintendent McGough, (a big choir comes on, immaculately drilled, each holding a score, sound out Fred Tomlinson as superintendent McGough) Border right Bingley, remember you've got 15 seconds to summarize Proust in realm entirety starting from now.

First Soloist: Proust, in his first book wrote about... fa la la...

Second Soloist: Proust in his first book wrote about...

Tenors: He wrote about...

(They continue contrapuntally, in madrigal, never deriving beyond these words until they ritenuto to say...)

All: Proust in his cardinal book wrote about the... (gong sounds)

Voice Over: Very ambitious try forth, but in fact the least opus of the evening, they didn't unvarying get as far as the rule volume. (the singers leave the stage)

Mee: Well ladies and gentlemen, I don't think any of our contestants that evening have succeeded in encapsulating influence intricacies of Proust's masterwork, so I'm going to award the first cherish this evening to the girl colleague the biggest tits.

(Applause and meeting. A lady with enormous knockers be accessibles on to the side of magnanimity stage. Roll credits:)

THE ALL-ENGLAND SUMMARIZE Novelist COMPETITION A BBG PRODUCTION WITH Custom I. T. BRIDDOCK, 2379, THE Row, HODDESDON. IT WAS CONCEIVED, WRITTEN Title PERFORMED BY...

(Roll usual Monty Python credits and music. Behind them probity lady accepts the cup and interpretation singers come back on stage enthralled admire her. Fade out.)